Minutes I wish I could erase....

As I sit to write this I struggle to know where to start. When I last wrote our daughter had just been married, our nephew Brad was in a coma.. and here we are a month later and my world is still on a roller coaster. Since that time our daughter has returned from a wonderful 2 week honey moon in Europe, our other daughter had a wonderful trip with her husband to California, Bradley has far surpassed all of the doctor's expectations.. he truly is a miracle even though he still has a long way to go.. yet my heart is broken in so in many ways.

Ten days after the wedding we got many texts and then the final call, my 22 year old nephew who we had just been with at the wedding took his life. He left his girlfriend and his baby who had just turned one... and within two days we were at the funeral which my husband was giving.. and then two days after that it would have been Zach's 23rd birthday. He was such a loving, caring yet tortured soul. No one knew to what extent. We always wanted to help.. but he always wanted to do it on his own.. till one day it just got to be too much.. and now we are left to mourn... the sadness seems to have no end at times.

Thankfully last year Zach had worked up near us on the pipelines so he lived with us for a few weeks and we got to talk and share... I cherish those times. I cherish the memories that we made at the wedding, at my surprise birthday party that they came up for.. he was on the dance floor having such a good time with all of us.. especially Livi and his daughter and girlfriend Katie.. he seemed so happy.. yet beneath all that.. there was a sadness that ran so deep.

I think we all realize that we should never take anything or anyone for granted.. yet how many times do we rush through something to get onto the next thing never thinking what it might mean to someone else ? I have purposed even more in my heart to let God be the director of my time.. I will go when He directs me.. just because I might be "done" somewhere or with someone.. they might not be done ... or He might not be done with what my purpose is there..

It's harder that we think sometimes to give our agenda up for His when it comes to time and lists.. are you willing to try?