Minutes I wish I could erase....

As I sit to write this I struggle to know where to start. When I last wrote our daughter had just been married, our nephew Brad was in a coma.. and here we are a month later and my world is still on a roller coaster. Since that time our daughter has returned from a wonderful 2 week honey moon in Europe, our other daughter had a wonderful trip with her husband to California, Bradley has far surpassed all of the doctor's expectations.. he truly is a miracle even though he still has a long way to go.. yet my heart is broken in so in many ways.

Ten days after the wedding we got many texts and then the final call, my 22 year old nephew who we had just been with at the wedding took his life. He left his girlfriend and his baby who had just turned one... and within two days we were at the funeral which my husband was giving.. and then two days after that it would have been Zach's 23rd birthday. He was such a loving, caring yet tortured soul. No one knew to what extent. We always wanted to help.. but he always wanted to do it on his own.. till one day it just got to be too much.. and now we are left to mourn... the sadness seems to have no end at times.

Thankfully last year Zach had worked up near us on the pipelines so he lived with us for a few weeks and we got to talk and share... I cherish those times. I cherish the memories that we made at the wedding, at my surprise birthday party that they came up for.. he was on the dance floor having such a good time with all of us.. especially Livi and his daughter and girlfriend Katie.. he seemed so happy.. yet beneath all that.. there was a sadness that ran so deep.

I think we all realize that we should never take anything or anyone for granted.. yet how many times do we rush through something to get onto the next thing never thinking what it might mean to someone else ? I have purposed even more in my heart to let God be the director of my time.. I will go when He directs me.. just because I might be "done" somewhere or with someone.. they might not be done ... or He might not be done with what my purpose is there..

It's harder that we think sometimes to give our agenda up for His when it comes to time and lists.. are you willing to try?

Life Changing Minutes....

Wow.. time has passed so quickly.. since I last wrote we have experienced many "life changing minutes".. let's see.. Dick and celebrated our 30th wedding anniversary and were treated to a wonderful surprise at the end of a nice dinner.. our terrific kids had called ahead and picked up the bill! Two days after that same said man turned 52... celebrated by moving our daughter's things out of our house and into her new one and then a wonderful dinner with just the family at our older daughter and son in law's. Grown children are such a unique blessing!

Then life really took a turn.. a week ago Sunday we got that phone call that no one wants.. our nephew was in a horrible car accident where his friend passed away and he is still in a life threatening coma... life as you know it stops. Thankfully God has sustained him and the rest of the family and now we continue to pray specifically for major hurdles so that he can come back to us. 5 days later we entered into the wedding mania.. the joy of two wonderful people who have waited and worked so hard to be together..we had the rehearsal and then a beautiful wedding day..all complete with no rain!!! The joy was overwhelming even amongst the heavy hearts of knowing part of us was missing in that hospital room. We took refuge in "rejoicing with those who rejoice and mourn with those who mourn".

One day after that we get another one of those calls.. one of our friends and co worker's father was visiting and suffered a fatal heart attack.. right in their home ..life changing minute..

oh.. I forgot.. in the middle of that I saw the much awaited surgeon who told me he still didn't feel "comfortable" doing the surgery on my back.. so more extensive testing will be done in a week.. I wish I could feel comfortable at all !

All that to say... our minutes.. they can change the course of our life with a phone call, a celebration, a doctor's visit...without an anchor.. a steady anchor. I am so thankful that like the old song says.. though I don't know what the future holds I do know Who holds my future!! Along with the One who holds my future I'm blessed to have people who surround me that are willing to row the boat when I'm too weary.. others may want for silver and gold.. but for me this combination is priceless...

Are We Trusting With Our Minutes?

Let's see how many minutes are in 26 years? That's how old my youngest daughter is today.. wow.. I was 24 when I had her.. where does the time go? When the two girls were little and being 17 months apart some days I thought would never end as my husband was gone day and nite trying to make a living during the early 80's. That was when there was a recession like non we'd ever seen, until this one.. and he was a tennis pro..so you can imagine we didn't have much to eat, had one small car and lived in a trailer park, so I was really alone. We moved 3 times over the course of 3 years.. it was not a happy time, yet God chose to give us these two beautiful little girls who didn't have a care in the world, they would look at us with all the faith in the world that every thing would be fine, their needs would be met and all was well with the world.. and for the most part to them it was.

The take away for us? We turned our minds, hearts and spirits back to God because my husband who had been raised in a preacher's home was running from the church but as we all know deep inside you can't run.. where do you really run from the God who created the whole earth anyhow? He'll let you think you're hiding and leave you alone to figure out your own messes for as long as you want but He's there all the time waiting for us to figure out that He is just that, right there, waiting for us to turn back to Him.

It was interesting, after our second baby was born and the bottom kept dropping out over and over again, my husband finally turned back to God and repented and asked for His help...it was amazing.. we had some catch up time.. but once our hearts were turned back and our minds opened He was so faithful. He's no different than any other good parent, all we want is for our children is for them to learn that we know what's best for them when they are young and as they grow we give them more responsibility and therefore they gain more reward. Just like God does with us.

I'm so grateful that both of our girls are serving the Lord faithfully. They were small when we were "finding our way" so thankfully once they were older we were able to teach them the ways of God so that they could be spared some. There are always those life lessons that we all have to learn.. but for the most part I have seen many come and go and those that are following the simple guidelines that are laid out for us.. He provides for in every area, just as we as natural parents do for our children. But.. it's always our choice, no matter how young or old we are. For me and my house..we will trust in the Lord.. how about you?

Recording Minutes...

Today my husband and I are doing something that we've done for each of our children at different times but now have the opportunity to do for our granddaughter. We are taking pictures of her throughout her day... as this is her last week at Pre K. So from waking her up, to picking out her clothes, to eating her toast and walking her to her cubby.. we have at least one picture of each minute. Why? because we'll never have these minutes back again and we know that when she gets older she may not have any clear memories of the many days we did the same thing day after day but if she looks back on the pictures and we talk about it and tell her stories about the different things that happened during different days she'll develop memories as she gets older... which all will go into making up the woman she will become.

The other reason is strictly selfish for Papa and Nana.. after parenting two children and watching the years fly by we love having the pictures to look back on to remind us of our memories. When you are living your life day to day and minute to minute it's easy to get caught up in what seems to be the "routine"... but when it's gone and that season of life has come to an end and the next season comes and then the next and the next.. it's good to have some form of record of those "routine" days to look back on.

I heard something the other day that really rung true to me.. history is only history if someone survives long enough to tell about it.. so today.. though it's not a day in history for the world or even the town.. for this family it has been recorded so that in the years to come what were just "ordinary minutes" all added up to a year in her little life.. we can look back on her size, her friends, the look in her eyes when she walks to the school hand in hand with Papa and Nana and to her cubby.. and we'll know that our minutes mattered!

"Fun Minutes"

Have you ever heard the phrase "time flies when your having fun"? Now we all know rationally that a minute is 60 seconds no matter how you look at it.. but I swear when you spend it with people you love, care about or are otherwise interested in and enjoying it seems as if minutes fly by.. even hours.

I had one of those times today. Since signing up for this new social networking thing called Facebook it's been amazing to me how we have been reunited with people from all parts of our past, people that we grew up with, shared life changing experiences with in various youth groups and family members from every generation.

Today what seemed to be just a few minutes with someone from one of our first youth groups.. and yet in reality it was a couple of hours. Then my daughter and I went to meet with someone to plan something for my other daughter and again.. it was amazing how it seemed as if minutes had passed and yet it was and hour.

So I ask you why do you think that is? Why is it when you sit with the ones you love the hands on the clock move in the fastest motion yet when we sit set out to do a dreaded project it seems as if the day drags on... Happiness is a funny thing. It really does bring forth a chemical in our brains that make us feel good.

Isn't it incredible that we have that wonderful feeling so readily available to us? What I've learned though is that we do have to develop those relationships that make us that happy.. and that takes work.. but it's soooo worth it for the happiness it can bring us and really make "our minutes matter...." for the rest of our lives :)

How "Do" we use our Minutes...

I've been thinking lately.. how many of you were raised like me, thinking that the term "make each minute matter" meant filling each minute with everything possible and then some.. until at the end of the day we could lay our head on our pillows totally exhausted and mentally check off our "to do list" and think "well done good and faithful servant"?

Then I started to think about the way Jesus ran His days.. His take on things was that He did only what the Father did and said only what the Father said.. as I grow to know the Father more, I seriously doubt He was run ragged from morning till night. Not that I'm a believer in laziness either.. I'm well aware of the scriptures that teach us about those that don't work to feed their families. I think that in this day and age we've gone to yet another extreme, especially as woman.

Maybe it's because I've entered the second half of my century, but I've started to make my "to do lists" differently. Instead of making them under a day or week of the calendar, I make them "open ended".. giving God the authority to organize the order and timing that they are done in. I figure if He created the entire universe in six days AND had the seventh day to REST.. he can certainly handle my "to do" list with no problem and I can sleep at night knowing it's in good and capable hands! What a discovery huh?? :)

I know you all have a lot of "pressing" things to do on your Franklin day timers list of things to do, but I think we'd all like to hear how you all feel about the subject and what you've learned through the years.. we can learn through one another!! )

More "Stuff"....

Ok, I've been working on the physical "stuff" that surrounds me and has a negative affect on me.. sufficating.. to be honest.. but as I was clearing away the "things" that surround me my mind started to think about all the other "stuff" that can bog me down or sometimes even suffocate me.

The first thing that comes to mind of course is our every day lives as women, or men, how we juggle the things layed before us and prioritize them. Once we get married and then add children we all know our life and our time is not our own, everyone's needs come into play. When my kids were younger and I had a career job plus helping with my husband's ministry I had this daytimer that I kept. Every day had every hour filled with "something".. most things I thought I had no control over they had to be done.. from the time I hit my feet to the floor in the morning until much too late into the nite...

Three years ago I spent a week in the hospital because my entire adreanal system shut down.. I had too much cortisol in my system.. the stress hormone. I didn't know it at the time but what I have come to learn is our bodies are not made to burn the "candle at both ends".. or our minds. Eventually it does catch up to you.

Thankfully God has given me a second chance and is rebuilding me physically as well as mentally. I'm learning that His priorities are mine and He's more than able to get everything that needs to be done done. I have to make a concious decision just like the physical "stuff" not to clutter my mind and time with the other "stuff" but rather to do only what He is expecting for me to do.. minute by minute...and after a while the days look after themselves! :)