"Running the Race"... if we each had a dollar for every time we heard that said..we could each buy something special! Lately I've been "pondering" what it really means as it tends to rustle my feathers a bit when I hear it. Now that I'm over half way through my "race" I've begun to realize that life is more of a marathon, made up of a combination of many parts rather than a simple start and finish with a lot of running in the middle. When I picture "running the race" I see a hamster running on a wheel with no beginning and no end but running as fast as he can to hopefully get somewhere... and get there in a hurry... which when I look around at some of the humans I encounter I see and sense the same feeling. They're really not sure of where they are going but they are determined to get there the fastest way possible and at any expense.
We all know that it's appointed to all of us to be born and to die... the beginning and the end.. but how we fill the middle..we have choices. Hopefully we choose the right coach and the right trainer. There are times we are asked to run a relay, we run as fast as we can for a short distance and hand the baton off to someone else. There are other time we are running or jogging or even hiking through the deep woods like cross country, it can be lonely and hilly and filled with pot holes and if we don't have our compass set on true north we could easily loose our way. Other times we run long distances on smooth surfaces and see the end in front of us but we still have to watch our footing and stay in our lane.
Other times I believe we are asked to sit awhile and train to get ready for our next course of action. If we were just continually running without this time of resting and reflection we wouldn't learn from the past or gain the skills we need for the next leg of the journey.
I believe we can run a good race.. but I also believe that our race is not the wheel that the hamster finds himself on. I believe that our Father sets us on a course appropriate for our time and place in life and provides us with the needed skills to complete the task as long as we stop and take in the lessons He desires us to learn. What race are you running? Do you have the training needed to complete it?
Saturday, October 9, 2010
Friday, October 1, 2010
Does a minute spent reaching out really matter?
Today I was woken up by a special ring on my cell phone...one designated just for my "little buddy" as I like to call her.. my 6 and a half year old grandaughter. Surprisingly as a woman that ring does not bring any of the usual things that some other rings do when I hear them at early or late hours.. I don't think "oh no what has happened... ".. instantly my heart beats a little faster, but with incredible joy! Why? Because I know there's going to be a voice on the other end that loves me unconditionally, as I do her, and is going to want to share something with me... and it doesn't really matter to me how big or small it is.
Since moving these 2000 miles away from her I treasure each and every time I see or hear from her. I plan the times I can call her, write her, or even see her. When she calls or writes me? Over the moon... yes.. I'll admit it.. over the moon.
Makes me think.. have I given that same joy and thrill to others in my life? Have I taken the time to call, write, listen, reach out to make their life a little more joyful? I read scriptures about how God created us for fellowship.. how He longs for us to reach out to Him to share with Him...
If we want to be real about life.. we only have so many minutes, hours.. days.. I want to spend them creating joy and life... how about you?
Since moving these 2000 miles away from her I treasure each and every time I see or hear from her. I plan the times I can call her, write her, or even see her. When she calls or writes me? Over the moon... yes.. I'll admit it.. over the moon.
Makes me think.. have I given that same joy and thrill to others in my life? Have I taken the time to call, write, listen, reach out to make their life a little more joyful? I read scriptures about how God created us for fellowship.. how He longs for us to reach out to Him to share with Him...
If we want to be real about life.. we only have so many minutes, hours.. days.. I want to spend them creating joy and life... how about you?
Saturday, September 25, 2010
A little drop makes a big ripple....
I was sitting with the "God given heaven sent love of my life" last nite outside, during the "sacred hour"... sunset.. and "reflecting" on various things.. as we tend to do.. when it started to sprinkle. As we were sitting by our extremely calm and still pool...really nothing was moving.. one and I mean just one tiny drop made it's way down into the pool... to my amazement there was a "reaction" in every part of that pool from one end to other. Of course we've all studied science and realize to every reaction there is an equal action or reaction to it.. but for some reason God spoke to me in this simple act and I just can't get it out of my head or heart.
It became so clear to me that no matter what we do each day, no matter how big or small, positive or negative, we are that drop.. just like in the water.. close to us there is a bigger ripple.. but then those ripples bring more ripples.. yes they lessen.. but non the less there is still a ripple. We have affected the universe around us.
Over the last forty eight hours I have been working through some things that are not really news to me but has in some ways brought clarity to situations that I have always wondered about regarding long standing family issues. Like anything when these things happen I try to take time to ponder and really let myself feel the emotions associated with the things that I have learned.. and after I get past the initial "emotional" shock of the reality, I try to learn from it, see if there is anything that I can change to help the situation or where God would have me "settle" with it in a healthy way so that I can go on and live in peace.
I found it so interesting that after this had happened not even 24 hours later.. God showed me the drop in the pool.. and spoke so clearly.. what a little drop does.. it causes ripples.. and those ripples can be good or bad.. and the far end of the pool doesn't even realize where the ripple originated from.. yet it's stillness was still affected. Thus someones life.. be it younger generations or people further outside the original circle of influence can be affected and not even know the original cause or reason. Yet still their ordinary still life was moved to ripple, by the drop.. the action.
So the lesson for me was.. really think before I act.. as the ripple is long acting and far beyond what I can see or fix. So Lord.. let my actions be fitting to your expections and be pleasing to your eyes, and please let my minutes matter... :)
It became so clear to me that no matter what we do each day, no matter how big or small, positive or negative, we are that drop.. just like in the water.. close to us there is a bigger ripple.. but then those ripples bring more ripples.. yes they lessen.. but non the less there is still a ripple. We have affected the universe around us.
Over the last forty eight hours I have been working through some things that are not really news to me but has in some ways brought clarity to situations that I have always wondered about regarding long standing family issues. Like anything when these things happen I try to take time to ponder and really let myself feel the emotions associated with the things that I have learned.. and after I get past the initial "emotional" shock of the reality, I try to learn from it, see if there is anything that I can change to help the situation or where God would have me "settle" with it in a healthy way so that I can go on and live in peace.
I found it so interesting that after this had happened not even 24 hours later.. God showed me the drop in the pool.. and spoke so clearly.. what a little drop does.. it causes ripples.. and those ripples can be good or bad.. and the far end of the pool doesn't even realize where the ripple originated from.. yet it's stillness was still affected. Thus someones life.. be it younger generations or people further outside the original circle of influence can be affected and not even know the original cause or reason. Yet still their ordinary still life was moved to ripple, by the drop.. the action.
So the lesson for me was.. really think before I act.. as the ripple is long acting and far beyond what I can see or fix. So Lord.. let my actions be fitting to your expections and be pleasing to your eyes, and please let my minutes matter... :)
Monday, November 2, 2009
My Minutes have not been My Minutes....
Wow... November is here!! Where did October go?? Last I wrote my little buddy was starting her new life.. and I spent a few days getting myself together and realizing life as I knew it was going to be different but as with anything.. I would shed a few tears.. have a few "moments" and pick myself up and get on with whatever was next on God's list of "to do's" for me.
So.. on Sept 7th it was Labor Day and the house was full of fun and laughter. The girls called and wanted to invite some of their friends over for a movie day, as we have the big wide screen and the dark basement with the cozy furniture.. it makes for a fun place to come and have a "get a way day". I love to have those days..even though I was still in tons of pain from my back and didn't participate in the viewing just having them near and hearing them laugh and giggle and seeing them as they stopped by ever so often as they were on their way to the bathroom or something it just makes a Mom feel good.
Then came Tuesday Sept 8th. Bright and early we were up and on our way to the hospital for the long awaited surgery to correct the incredible and never ending nerve pain in my lower back. Thrilled that we were getting in before the projected date of November 8th, yet still having all the questions that one has before going in for a major surgery such as that.
Yet.. it all went like clock work, both surgeons were having a good day, as was the anesthesiologist.. always like to make sure of that when they come to give me my "last rights" as I like to call it..because frankly if they've had a bad night's sleep or a miserable Labor day weekend.. I want to make sure to do whatever I can to get them happy before we start with the putting to sleep and the cutting me open part if you now what i mean. Just a personal preference with me I guess! :)
So.. we got through that and the five days after in the hospital.. which I could tell you oh so many incredibly sad and funny stories.. but let's just say I'm saving those for the book my Mother feels I should write someday.. only to get out and home for a day or two and realize that something is just not right. I make a call to the vascular surgeon who took care of the front incision which was the way they chose to get to my back.. and by the next day I was being rushed back in to the hospital only to sit and wait 6 hours for a CT to find that I had developed a huge hematoma! The wait? Oh yeah.. it was due to the fact that they were waiting for the results of my "pregnancy" test.. yes you read it right .. my pregnancy test.. after waiting all that time for a test that I was "rushed" there to have so they could have drained or helped the situation.. I finally found someone to ask what the hold up was and when they told me I had to laugh.. what else could I do.. as I had been interviewed by three different people in order to be admitted back in to a place that I just got discharged from not more than 3 days ago and had to give them the same history that I know was probably in my chart from the other 11 times I've been in there... but let's just say counting the times that day I gave them my past... I had a hysterectomy in 2000!!! What part of that couldn't they get?? Ohhhhh the nurse said when I told her and the big light bulb in the sky went on.... she said really??? to which I'm thinking... who would make this up??
So.. once that got cleared up and I got to drink all the lovely juice it was well after 9:00pm... we'd started this adventure at 11;00am... so for this I say.. my minutes are not my own. Wait till you hear the "rest of the story"!!!
So.. on Sept 7th it was Labor Day and the house was full of fun and laughter. The girls called and wanted to invite some of their friends over for a movie day, as we have the big wide screen and the dark basement with the cozy furniture.. it makes for a fun place to come and have a "get a way day". I love to have those days..even though I was still in tons of pain from my back and didn't participate in the viewing just having them near and hearing them laugh and giggle and seeing them as they stopped by ever so often as they were on their way to the bathroom or something it just makes a Mom feel good.
Then came Tuesday Sept 8th. Bright and early we were up and on our way to the hospital for the long awaited surgery to correct the incredible and never ending nerve pain in my lower back. Thrilled that we were getting in before the projected date of November 8th, yet still having all the questions that one has before going in for a major surgery such as that.
Yet.. it all went like clock work, both surgeons were having a good day, as was the anesthesiologist.. always like to make sure of that when they come to give me my "last rights" as I like to call it..because frankly if they've had a bad night's sleep or a miserable Labor day weekend.. I want to make sure to do whatever I can to get them happy before we start with the putting to sleep and the cutting me open part if you now what i mean. Just a personal preference with me I guess! :)
So.. we got through that and the five days after in the hospital.. which I could tell you oh so many incredibly sad and funny stories.. but let's just say I'm saving those for the book my Mother feels I should write someday.. only to get out and home for a day or two and realize that something is just not right. I make a call to the vascular surgeon who took care of the front incision which was the way they chose to get to my back.. and by the next day I was being rushed back in to the hospital only to sit and wait 6 hours for a CT to find that I had developed a huge hematoma! The wait? Oh yeah.. it was due to the fact that they were waiting for the results of my "pregnancy" test.. yes you read it right .. my pregnancy test.. after waiting all that time for a test that I was "rushed" there to have so they could have drained or helped the situation.. I finally found someone to ask what the hold up was and when they told me I had to laugh.. what else could I do.. as I had been interviewed by three different people in order to be admitted back in to a place that I just got discharged from not more than 3 days ago and had to give them the same history that I know was probably in my chart from the other 11 times I've been in there... but let's just say counting the times that day I gave them my past... I had a hysterectomy in 2000!!! What part of that couldn't they get?? Ohhhhh the nurse said when I told her and the big light bulb in the sky went on.... she said really??? to which I'm thinking... who would make this up??
So.. once that got cleared up and I got to drink all the lovely juice it was well after 9:00pm... we'd started this adventure at 11;00am... so for this I say.. my minutes are not my own. Wait till you hear the "rest of the story"!!!
Wednesday, September 2, 2009
Memorable Minutes....
It's not like I didn't know it was coming.. in fact everyday I had a count down.. and I even thought I was well prepared.. but something happened.. the moment her Dad came to get her for the last time... it was the usual routine.. with the exception of me taking pictures which they all thought was a bit ridiculous.. but I might start scrap booking again :)... they loaded in the car.. I watched them drive down the street.. I waved with the usual sign for "I love you".. we both smiled... I came inside and closed the door and all of a sudden... my heart was in my throat.. my stomach had turned inside out.. the car wasn't taking her to another country.. we'll see her on school holidays.. and on scheduled visits on weekends.. but.. it will never be the same.
For the last 5 and half years Dick and I have cared for our granddaughter as needed when her parents worked. They would drop her off early in the morning in her pj's or her car seat when she was little, or when she and her Mom lived here for a couple of years she would just bound down the hallway when she woke up. She'd crawl in bed with us, we'd fix her toast, she'd eat it in a certain way in a certain spot, give each crust to Max... push the crumbs to Papa's side for him to find later.. then snuggle down with us to watch a movie that she'd thought about and planned on all nite in the later years. In the younger years Papa would have to do a commercial for each one at the end of the bed in order for her to choose.
On Pre K school days last year it was different, she'd eat her breakfast and then brush her teeth, come and get her hair brushed, get her special "Nana kiss" on the back of the neck when it was all done..and a little snuggle..and off she'd go with Papa and Max to school. Tuesday's were different because Papa worked so Nana would take her.. which was special because Nana made "excellent toast" :).
When you're with the ones you love it's not so much what you do it's the fact you're with the ones you love and you know those times are precious and oh so few. I know mothers all over the country are going through the same thing sending their little ones to Kindergarten. It's a right of passage. Pre K was different.. you could take them... drop them off..see their friends each day.. their teacher.. survey the situation.. and you knew you'd be back in 2.5 hours. Then she and Papa would most likely have errands to run with Max.. her playmate. On special days she'd talk her Papa into Mc Donald's and then come home and watch a movie while eating it...he loved every minute of it! He'd always comment on how warm her little hands were while walking in holding hands on those freezing winter days.
Now.. she's going to be off on her own. Not only have she and her Mommy moved across town to live with her Mommy's husband... which is normal and we are happy for them.. but now she's going full time too!! She'll have a step brother to play with, more kids to play with .. all wonderful things.
So.. you see in these short 3 hours I've come to realize I'm not sad for me... though it may sound like that...but rather excited for her new life... and excited for all that she has in front of her. It's just another rite of passage.. I lived through it with my kids.. and I'll live through it with my grand kids. I'm thankfull for all the time that I got to have with her, though my heart hurts now.. I've come to understand that rather than suppress it.. I've learned it's better to set a time aside time to just "go with it".. that's right.. just be sad.. feel the emotions.. remember all the happiness and think about how much I'm going to miss her smile in the morning and how happy she made me on my hardest days. Because then I can go on... to whatever God has for me next... and no matter what no one can take those memories away from me!! :)
For the last 5 and half years Dick and I have cared for our granddaughter as needed when her parents worked. They would drop her off early in the morning in her pj's or her car seat when she was little, or when she and her Mom lived here for a couple of years she would just bound down the hallway when she woke up. She'd crawl in bed with us, we'd fix her toast, she'd eat it in a certain way in a certain spot, give each crust to Max... push the crumbs to Papa's side for him to find later.. then snuggle down with us to watch a movie that she'd thought about and planned on all nite in the later years. In the younger years Papa would have to do a commercial for each one at the end of the bed in order for her to choose.
On Pre K school days last year it was different, she'd eat her breakfast and then brush her teeth, come and get her hair brushed, get her special "Nana kiss" on the back of the neck when it was all done..and a little snuggle..and off she'd go with Papa and Max to school. Tuesday's were different because Papa worked so Nana would take her.. which was special because Nana made "excellent toast" :).
When you're with the ones you love it's not so much what you do it's the fact you're with the ones you love and you know those times are precious and oh so few. I know mothers all over the country are going through the same thing sending their little ones to Kindergarten. It's a right of passage. Pre K was different.. you could take them... drop them off..see their friends each day.. their teacher.. survey the situation.. and you knew you'd be back in 2.5 hours. Then she and Papa would most likely have errands to run with Max.. her playmate. On special days she'd talk her Papa into Mc Donald's and then come home and watch a movie while eating it...he loved every minute of it! He'd always comment on how warm her little hands were while walking in holding hands on those freezing winter days.
Now.. she's going to be off on her own. Not only have she and her Mommy moved across town to live with her Mommy's husband... which is normal and we are happy for them.. but now she's going full time too!! She'll have a step brother to play with, more kids to play with .. all wonderful things.
So.. you see in these short 3 hours I've come to realize I'm not sad for me... though it may sound like that...but rather excited for her new life... and excited for all that she has in front of her. It's just another rite of passage.. I lived through it with my kids.. and I'll live through it with my grand kids. I'm thankfull for all the time that I got to have with her, though my heart hurts now.. I've come to understand that rather than suppress it.. I've learned it's better to set a time aside time to just "go with it".. that's right.. just be sad.. feel the emotions.. remember all the happiness and think about how much I'm going to miss her smile in the morning and how happy she made me on my hardest days. Because then I can go on... to whatever God has for me next... and no matter what no one can take those memories away from me!! :)
Friday, August 21, 2009
Minutes I wish I could erase....
As I sit to write this I struggle to know where to start. When I last wrote our daughter had just been married, our nephew Brad was in a coma.. and here we are a month later and my world is still on a roller coaster. Since that time our daughter has returned from a wonderful 2 week honey moon in Europe, our other daughter had a wonderful trip with her husband to California, Bradley has far surpassed all of the doctor's expectations.. he truly is a miracle even though he still has a long way to go.. yet my heart is broken in so in many ways.
Ten days after the wedding we got many texts and then the final call, my 22 year old nephew who we had just been with at the wedding took his life. He left his girlfriend and his baby who had just turned one... and within two days we were at the funeral which my husband was giving.. and then two days after that it would have been Zach's 23rd birthday. He was such a loving, caring yet tortured soul. No one knew to what extent. We always wanted to help.. but he always wanted to do it on his own.. till one day it just got to be too much.. and now we are left to mourn... the sadness seems to have no end at times.
Thankfully last year Zach had worked up near us on the pipelines so he lived with us for a few weeks and we got to talk and share... I cherish those times. I cherish the memories that we made at the wedding, at my surprise birthday party that they came up for.. he was on the dance floor having such a good time with all of us.. especially Livi and his daughter and girlfriend Katie.. he seemed so happy.. yet beneath all that.. there was a sadness that ran so deep.
I think we all realize that we should never take anything or anyone for granted.. yet how many times do we rush through something to get onto the next thing never thinking what it might mean to someone else ? I have purposed even more in my heart to let God be the director of my time.. I will go when He directs me.. just because I might be "done" somewhere or with someone.. they might not be done ... or He might not be done with what my purpose is there..
It's harder that we think sometimes to give our agenda up for His when it comes to time and lists.. are you willing to try?
Ten days after the wedding we got many texts and then the final call, my 22 year old nephew who we had just been with at the wedding took his life. He left his girlfriend and his baby who had just turned one... and within two days we were at the funeral which my husband was giving.. and then two days after that it would have been Zach's 23rd birthday. He was such a loving, caring yet tortured soul. No one knew to what extent. We always wanted to help.. but he always wanted to do it on his own.. till one day it just got to be too much.. and now we are left to mourn... the sadness seems to have no end at times.
Thankfully last year Zach had worked up near us on the pipelines so he lived with us for a few weeks and we got to talk and share... I cherish those times. I cherish the memories that we made at the wedding, at my surprise birthday party that they came up for.. he was on the dance floor having such a good time with all of us.. especially Livi and his daughter and girlfriend Katie.. he seemed so happy.. yet beneath all that.. there was a sadness that ran so deep.
I think we all realize that we should never take anything or anyone for granted.. yet how many times do we rush through something to get onto the next thing never thinking what it might mean to someone else ? I have purposed even more in my heart to let God be the director of my time.. I will go when He directs me.. just because I might be "done" somewhere or with someone.. they might not be done ... or He might not be done with what my purpose is there..
It's harder that we think sometimes to give our agenda up for His when it comes to time and lists.. are you willing to try?
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
Life Changing Minutes....
Wow.. time has passed so quickly.. since I last wrote we have experienced many "life changing minutes".. let's see.. Dick and celebrated our 30th wedding anniversary and were treated to a wonderful surprise at the end of a nice dinner.. our terrific kids had called ahead and picked up the bill! Two days after that same said man turned 52... celebrated by moving our daughter's things out of our house and into her new one and then a wonderful dinner with just the family at our older daughter and son in law's. Grown children are such a unique blessing!
Then life really took a turn.. a week ago Sunday we got that phone call that no one wants.. our nephew was in a horrible car accident where his friend passed away and he is still in a life threatening coma... life as you know it stops. Thankfully God has sustained him and the rest of the family and now we continue to pray specifically for major hurdles so that he can come back to us. 5 days later we entered into the wedding mania.. the joy of two wonderful people who have waited and worked so hard to be together..we had the rehearsal and then a beautiful wedding day..all complete with no rain!!! The joy was overwhelming even amongst the heavy hearts of knowing part of us was missing in that hospital room. We took refuge in "rejoicing with those who rejoice and mourn with those who mourn".
One day after that we get another one of those calls.. one of our friends and co worker's father was visiting and suffered a fatal heart attack.. right in their home ..life changing minute..
oh.. I forgot.. in the middle of that I saw the much awaited surgeon who told me he still didn't feel "comfortable" doing the surgery on my back.. so more extensive testing will be done in a week.. I wish I could feel comfortable at all !
All that to say... our minutes.. they can change the course of our life with a phone call, a celebration, a doctor's visit...without an anchor.. a steady anchor. I am so thankful that like the old song says.. though I don't know what the future holds I do know Who holds my future!! Along with the One who holds my future I'm blessed to have people who surround me that are willing to row the boat when I'm too weary.. others may want for silver and gold.. but for me this combination is priceless...
Then life really took a turn.. a week ago Sunday we got that phone call that no one wants.. our nephew was in a horrible car accident where his friend passed away and he is still in a life threatening coma... life as you know it stops. Thankfully God has sustained him and the rest of the family and now we continue to pray specifically for major hurdles so that he can come back to us. 5 days later we entered into the wedding mania.. the joy of two wonderful people who have waited and worked so hard to be together..we had the rehearsal and then a beautiful wedding day..all complete with no rain!!! The joy was overwhelming even amongst the heavy hearts of knowing part of us was missing in that hospital room. We took refuge in "rejoicing with those who rejoice and mourn with those who mourn".
One day after that we get another one of those calls.. one of our friends and co worker's father was visiting and suffered a fatal heart attack.. right in their home ..life changing minute..
oh.. I forgot.. in the middle of that I saw the much awaited surgeon who told me he still didn't feel "comfortable" doing the surgery on my back.. so more extensive testing will be done in a week.. I wish I could feel comfortable at all !
All that to say... our minutes.. they can change the course of our life with a phone call, a celebration, a doctor's visit...without an anchor.. a steady anchor. I am so thankful that like the old song says.. though I don't know what the future holds I do know Who holds my future!! Along with the One who holds my future I'm blessed to have people who surround me that are willing to row the boat when I'm too weary.. others may want for silver and gold.. but for me this combination is priceless...
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
